who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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