i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
