I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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