In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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