the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
