I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
