My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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