Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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