Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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