Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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