Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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