you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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