i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
