...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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