its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
