Betty ford says i'm here all night
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
