3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
