If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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