Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
