Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My vagina is very pro this idea
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
