I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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