I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
