They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Too much gin, very little bucket
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
