I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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