its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize