my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
