I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need water and some morals
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
