My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's shark week go big or go home
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
