Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
