I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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