He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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