mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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