Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
