She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
soo... how was my night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
