just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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