Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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