I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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