I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
