I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
