Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
