I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
