Having a random hookup so left but love u
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
