dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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