I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
