I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
