I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize