Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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