Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
