Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
