just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
