your parents love me but you hate me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
