Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
