oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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