I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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