if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize