I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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