Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize