Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
