btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
