I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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