Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
