honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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