four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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