Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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