my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize