We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize