as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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