I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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