Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
