OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
