I want to have your abortion
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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