last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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