Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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