Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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