Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
