well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize